Antya-līlāChapter 14: Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's Feelings of Separation from Kṛṣṇa

Bhaktivedanta VedaBase: Śrī Caitanya Caritāmṛta

CC Antya 14 Summary

CC Antya 14.1: I shall now describe a very small portion of the activities performed by Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu with His mind, intelligence and body when He was bewildered by strong feelings of separation from Kṛṣṇa.

CC Antya 14.2: All glories to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, the Supreme Personality of Godhead! All glories to Lord Gauracandra, the life and soul of His devotees!

CC Antya 14.3: All glories to Lord Nityānanda, who is Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's very life! And all glories to Advaita Ācārya, who is extremely dear to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu!

CC Antya 14.4: All glories to Svarūpa Dāmodara and all the other devotees, headed by Śrīvāsa Ṭhākura! Please give me the strength to describe the character of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu.

CC Antya 14.5: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's emotion of transcendental madness in separation from Kṛṣṇa is very deep and mysterious. Even though one is very advanced and learned, he cannot understand it.

CC Antya 14.6: How can one describe unfathomable subject matters? It is possible only if Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu gives him the capability.

CC Antya 14.7: Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī and Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī recorded all these transcendental activities of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu in their notebooks.

CC Antya 14.8: In those days, Svarūpa Dāmodara and Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī lived with Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, whereas all other commentators lived far away from Him.

CC Antya 14.9: These two great personalities [Svarūpa Dāmodara and Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī] recorded the activities of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu moment by moment. They described these activities briefly as well as elaborately in their notebooks.

CC Antya 14.10: Svarūpa Dāmodara wrote short notes, whereas Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī wrote elaborate descriptions. I shall now describe Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's activities more elaborately, as if fluffing out compressed cotton.

CC Antya 14.11: Please hear faithfully this description of Caitanya Mahāprabhu's ecstatic emotions. Thus you will come to know of His ecstatic love, and ultimately you will achieve love of Godhead.

CC Antya 14.12: When Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu felt separation from Kṛṣṇa, His condition exactly corresponded to that of the gopīs in Vṛndāvana after Kṛṣṇa's departure for Mathurā.

CC Antya 14.13: The lamentation of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī when Uddhava visited Vṛndāvana gradually became a feature of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's transcendental madness.

CC Antya 14.14: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's emotions exactly corresponded to those of Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī when She met Uddhava. The Lord always conceived of Himself in Her position and sometimes thought that He was Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī Herself.

CC Antya 14.15: Such is the state of transcendental madness. Why is it difficult to understand? When one is highly elevated in love of Kṛṣṇa, he becomes transcendentally mad and talks like a madman.

CC Antya 14.16: "When the ecstatic emotion of enchantment gradually progresses, it becomes similar to bewilderment. Then one reaches the stage of astonishment [vaicitrī], which awakens transcendental madness. Udghūrṇā and citra-jalpa are two among the many divisions of transcendental madness."

CC Antya 14.17: One day while He was resting, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu dreamed He saw Kṛṣṇa performing His rāsa dance.

CC Antya 14.18: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu saw Lord Kṛṣṇa standing with His beautiful body curved in three places, holding His flute to His lips. Wearing yellow garments and garlands of forest flowers, He was enchanting even to Cupid.

CC Antya 14.19: The gopīs were dancing in a circle, and in the middle of that circle, Kṛṣṇa, the son of Mahārāja Nanda, danced with Rādhārāṇī.

CC Antya 14.20: Seeing this, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was overwhelmed with the transcendental mellow of the rāsa dance, and He thought, "Now I am with Kṛṣṇa in Vṛndāvana."

CC Antya 14.21: When Govinda saw that the Lord had not yet risen, he awakened Him. Understanding that He had only been dreaming, the Lord was somewhat unhappy.

CC Antya 14.22: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu performed His customary daily duties, and at the usual time He went to see Lord Jagannātha in the temple.

CC Antya 14.23: As He viewed Lord Jagannātha from behind the Garuḍa column, hundreds and thousands of people in front of Him were seeing the Deity.

CC Antya 14.24: Suddenly, a woman from Orissa, unable to see Lord Jagannātha because of the crowd, climbed the column of Garuḍa, placing her foot on Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's shoulder.

CC Antya 14.25: When he saw this, Caitanya Mahāprabhu's personal servant, Govinda, hastily got her down from her position. Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, however, chastised him for this.

CC Antya 14.26: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said to Govinda, "O ādi-vasyā [uncivilized man], do not forbid this woman to climb the Garuḍa-stambha. Let her see Lord Jagannātha to her satisfaction."

CC Antya 14.27: When the woman came to her senses, however, she quickly climbed back down to the ground and, seeing Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, immediately begged at His lotus feet for forgiveness.

CC Antya 14.28: Seeing the woman's eagerness, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "Lord Jagannātha has not bestowed so much eagerness upon Me.

CC Antya 14.29: "She has fully absorbed her body, mind and life in Lord Jagannātha. Therefore she was unaware that she was putting her foot on My shoulder.

CC Antya 14.30: "Alas! How fortunate this woman is! I pray at her feet that she favor Me with her great eagerness to see Lord Jagannātha."

CC Antya 14.31: Just previously, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu had been seeing Lord Jagannātha as Kṛṣṇa, the son of Mahārāja Nanda, in person.

CC Antya 14.32: Becoming fully absorbed in that vision, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu had assumed the mood of the gopīs, so much so that everywhere He looked He saw Kṛṣṇa standing with His flute to His lips.

CC Antya 14.33: After seeing the woman, the Lord's external consciousness returned, and He saw the original deity forms of Lord Jagannātha, Subhadrā and Lord Balarāma.

CC Antya 14.34: When He saw the deities, Lord Caitanya thought He was seeing Kṛṣṇa in Kurukṣetra. He wondered, "Have I come to Kurukṣetra? Where is Vṛndāvana?"

CC Antya 14.35: Lord Caitanya grew very much agitated, like a person who has just lost a recently acquired jewel. Then He became very morose and returned home.

CC Antya 14.36: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu sat down on the ground and began to mark it with His fingernails. He was blinded by tears, which flowed from His eyes like the Ganges.

CC Antya 14.37: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "I found Kṛṣṇa, the Lord of Vṛndāvana, but I have lost Him again. Who has taken My Kṛṣṇa? Where have I come?"

CC Antya 14.38: When Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu dreamed of the rāsa dance, He was fully absorbed in transcendental bliss, but when His dream broke, He thought He had lost a precious jewel.

CC Antya 14.39: Thus Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu would chant and dance, always absorbed in the bliss of transcendental madness. He carried out the necessities of the body, such as eating and bathing, merely out of habit.

CC Antya 14.40: At night, Lord Caitanya would reveal to Svarūpa Dāmodara and Rāmānanda Rāya the ecstatic feelings of His mind.

CC Antya 14.41: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "At first My mind somehow achieved the treasure of Kṛṣṇa, but it again lost Him. Therefore it gave up My body and home because of lamentation and accepted the religious principles of a kāpālika-yogī. Then My mind went to Vṛndāvana with its disciples, My senses."

CC Antya 14.42: Having lost His acquired gem, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu became overwhelmed with lamentation by remembering its attributes. Then, grasping the necks of Rāmānanda Rāya and Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī, He cried, "Alas, where is My Lord Hari? Where is Hari?" Finally He became restless and lost all patience.

CC Antya 14.43: "My dear friends," He said, "please hear of Kṛṣṇa's sweetness. Because of a great desire for that sweetness, My mind has given up all social and Vedic religious principles and taken to the profession of begging, exactly like a mystic yogī.

CC Antya 14.44: "The ring of Kṛṣṇa's rāsa-līlā, manufactured by Śukadeva Gosvāmī, the most auspicious craftsman, is as pure as an earring made from a conchshell. The yogī of My mind is wearing that earring upon his ear. From a gourd he has carved out the bowl of My aspirations, and he has taken the bag of My expectations on his shoulder.

CC Antya 14.45: "The yogī of My mind wears the torn quilt of anxiety on his dirty body, which is covered with dust and ashes. His only words are 'Alas! Kṛṣṇa!' He wears twelve bangles of distress on his wrist and a turban of greed on his head. Because he has not eaten anything, he is very thin.

CC Antya 14.46: "The great yogī of My mind always studies the poetry and discussions of Lord Kṛṣṇa's Vṛndāvana pastimes. In Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam and other scriptures, great saintly yogīs like Vyāsadeva and Śukadeva Gosvāmī have described Lord Kṛṣṇa as the Supersoul, beyond all material contamination.

CC Antya 14.47: "The mystic yogī of My mind has assumed the name Mahābāula and made disciples of My ten senses. Thus My mind has gone to Vṛndāvana, leaving aside the home of My body and the great treasure of material enjoyment.

CC Antya 14.48: "In Vṛndāvana, he goes from door to door begging alms with all his disciples. He begs from both the moving and the inert inhabitants — the citizens, the trees and the creepers. In this way he lives on fruits, roots and leaves.

CC Antya 14.49: "The gopīs of Vrajabhūmi always taste the nectar of Kṛṣṇa's attributes, His beauty, His sweetness, His aroma, the sound of His flute and the touch of His body. My mind's five disciples, the senses of perception, gather the remnants of that nectar from the gopīs and bring them to the yogī of My mind. The senses maintain their lives by eating those remnants.

CC Antya 14.50: "There is a solitary garden where Kṛṣṇa enjoys His pastimes, and in one corner of a pavilion in that garden, the yogī of My mind, along with his disciples, practices mystic yoga. Wanting to see Kṛṣṇa directly, this yogī remains awake throughout the night, meditating on Kṛṣṇa, who is the Supersoul, uncontaminated by the three modes of nature.

CC Antya 14.51: "When My mind lost the association of Kṛṣṇa and could no longer see Him, he became depressed and took up mystic yoga. In the void of separation from Kṛṣṇa, he experienced ten transcendental transformations. Agitated by these transformations, My mind fled, leaving My body, his place of residence, empty. Thus I am completely in trance."

CC Antya 14.52: When the gopīs felt separation from Kṛṣṇa, they experienced ten kinds of bodily transformations. These same symptoms appeared in the body of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu.

CC Antya 14.53: "The ten bodily transformations resulting from separation from Kṛṣṇa are anxiety, wakefulness, mental agitation, thinness, uncleanliness, talking like a madman, disease, madness, illusion and death."

CC Antya 14.54: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was overwhelmed night and day by these ten ecstatic conditions. Whenever such symptoms arose, His mind became unsteady.

CC Antya 14.55: After speaking in this way, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu fell silent. Then Rāmānanda Rāya began to recite various verses.

CC Antya 14.56: Rāmānanda Rāya recited verses from Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam, and Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī sang of Kṛṣṇa's pastimes. In this way, they brought Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu to external consciousness.

CC Antya 14.57: After half the night had passed in this way, Rāmānanda Rāya and Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī made Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu lie down on His bed in the inner room.

CC Antya 14.58: Then Rāmānanda Rāya returned home, and Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī and Govinda lay down in front of the door to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's room.

CC Antya 14.59: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu remained awake throughout the entire night, chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra very loudly.

CC Antya 14.60: After some time, Svarūpa Dāmodara could no longer hear Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu chanting. When he entered the room, he found the three doors locked, but Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was gone.

CC Antya 14.61: All the devotees were very anxious when they saw that the Lord was not in His room. They wandered about searching for Him with a warning lamp.

CC Antya 14.62: After searching for some time, they came upon Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu lying in a corner by the northern side of the Siḿha-dvāra gate.

CC Antya 14.63: At first they were overjoyed to see Him, but when they saw His condition, all the devotees, headed by Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī, were very anxious.

CC Antya 14.64: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was lying unconscious, and His body had become elongated to five or six cubits. There was no breath from His nostrils.

CC Antya 14.65-66: Each of His arms and legs had become three cubits long; only skin connected the separated joints. The Lord's body temperature, indicating life, was very low. All the joints in His arms, legs, neck and waist were separated by at least six inches.

CC Antya 14.67: It appeared that only skin covered His elongated joints. Seeing the Lord's condition, all the devotees were very unhappy.

CC Antya 14.68: They almost died when they saw Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu with His mouth full of saliva and foam and His eyes turned upward.

CC Antya 14.69: When they saw this, Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī and all the other devotees began to chant the holy name of Kṛṣṇa very loudly into Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's ear.

CC Antya 14.70: After they had chanted in this way for a long time, the holy name of Kṛṣṇa entered the heart of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, and He suddenly arose with a loud shout of "Haribol!"

CC Antya 14.71: As soon as the Lord returned to external consciousness, all His joints contracted and His entire body returned to normal.

CC Antya 14.72: Śrīla Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī has described these pastimes elaborately in his book Gaurāńga-stava-kalpavṛkṣa.

CC Antya 14.73: "In the house of Kāśī Miśra, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu would sometimes be greatly aggrieved, feeling separation from Kṛṣṇa. The joints of His transcendental body would slacken, and His arms and legs would become elongated. Rolling on the ground, the Lord would cry out in distress in a faltering voice and weep very sorrowfully. The appearance of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, awakening in my heart, maddens me."

CC Antya 14.74: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was very much astonished to find Himself in front of the Siḿha-dvāra. He asked Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī, "Where am I? What am I doing here?"

CC Antya 14.75: Svarūpa Dāmodara said, "My dear Lord, please get up. Let us go to Your place. There I shall tell You everything that has happened."

CC Antya 14.76: Thus all the devotees, supporting Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, took Him back to His residence. Then they all described to Him what had happened.

CC Antya 14.77: Hearing the description of His condition while He had lain near the Siḿha-dvāra, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was very much astonished. He said, "I do not remember any of these things.

CC Antya 14.78: "All I can remember is that I saw My Kṛṣṇa, but only for an instant. He appeared before Me and then, like lightning, immediately disappeared."

CC Antya 14.79: Just then, everyone heard the blowing of the conchshell at the Jagannātha temple. Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu immediately took His bath and went to see Lord Jagannātha.

CC Antya 14.80: Thus I have described the uncommon transformations of the body of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu. When people hear about this, they are very much astonished.

CC Antya 14.81: No one has witnessed such bodily changes elsewhere, nor has anyone read of them in the revealed scriptures. Yet Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, the supreme sannyāsī, exhibited these ecstatic symptoms.

CC Antya 14.82: These ecstasies are not described in the śāstras, and they are inconceivable to common men. Therefore people in general do not believe in them.

CC Antya 14.83: Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī lived continuously with Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu. I am simply recording whatever I have heard from him. Although common men do not believe in these pastimes, I believe in them totally.

CC Antya 14.84: One day, while Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was going to the sea to bathe, He suddenly saw a sand dune named Caṭaka-parvata.

CC Antya 14.85: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu mistook the sand dune for Govardhana Hill and ran toward it.

CC Antya 14.86: [Lord Caitanya said:] "Of all the devotees, this Govardhana Hill is the best! O my friends, this hill supplies Kṛṣṇa and Balarāma, as well as Their calves, cows and cowherd friends, with all kinds of necessities — water for drinking, very soft grass, caves, fruits, flowers and vegetables. In this way the hill offers respect to the Lord. Being touched by the lotus feet of Kṛṣṇa and Balarāma, Govardhana Hill appears very jubilant."

CC Antya 14.87: Reciting this verse, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu ran toward the sand dune as fast as the wind. Govinda ran after Him, but he could not approach Him.

CC Antya 14.88: First one devotee shouted loudly, and then a tumultuous uproar arose as all the devotees stood up and began to run after the Lord.

CC Antya 14.89: Svarūpa Dāmodara Gosvāmī, Jagadānanda Paṇḍita, Gadādhara Paṇḍita, Rāmāi, Nandāi and Śańkara Paṇḍita are some of the devotees who ran after Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu.

CC Antya 14.90: Paramānanda Purī and Brahmānanda Bhāratī also went toward the beach, and Bhagavān Ācārya, who was lame, followed them very slowly.

CC Antya 14.91: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu was running with the speed of the wind, but He suddenly became stunned in ecstasy and lost all strength to proceed further.

CC Antya 14.92: The flesh at each of His pores erupted like pimples, and His bodily hairs, standing on end, appeared like kadamba flowers.

CC Antya 14.93: Blood and perspiration flowed incessantly from every pore of His body, and He could not speak a word but simply produced a gargling sound within His throat.

CC Antya 14.94: The Lord's eyes filled and overflowed with unlimited tears, like the Ganges and Yamunā meeting in the sea.

CC Antya 14.95: His entire body faded to the color of a white conchshell, and then He began to quiver like the waves in the ocean.

CC Antya 14.96: While quivering in this way, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu fell down on the ground. Then Govinda approached Him.

CC Antya 14.97: Govinda sprinkled water from a karańga waterpot all over the Lord's body, and then, taking His own outer garment, he began to fan Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu.

CC Antya 14.98: When Svarūpa Dāmodara and the other devotees reached the spot and saw the condition of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, they began to cry.

CC Antya 14.99: All eight kinds of transcendental transformations were visible in the Lord's body. All the devotees were struck with wonder to see such a sight.

CC Antya 14.100: The devotees loudly chanted the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra near Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu and washed His body with cold water.

CC Antya 14.101: After the devotees had been chanting for a long time, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu suddenly stood up and shouted, "Haribol!"

CC Antya 14.102: When Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu stood up, all the Vaiṣṇavas loudly chanted, "Hari! Hari!" in great jubilation. The auspicious sound filled the air in all directions.

CC Antya 14.103: Astonished, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu stood up and began looking here and there, trying to see something. But He could not catch sight of it.

CC Antya 14.104: When Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu saw all the Vaiṣṇavas, He returned to partial external consciousness and spoke to Svarūpa Dāmodara.

CC Antya 14.105: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, "Who has brought Me here from Govardhana Hill? I was seeing Lord Kṛṣṇa's pastimes, but now I cannot see them.

CC Antya 14.106: "Today I went from here to Govardhana Hill to find out if Kṛṣṇa was tending His cows there.

CC Antya 14.107: "I saw Lord Kṛṣṇa climbing Govardhana Hill and playing His flute, surrounded on all sides by grazing cows.

CC Antya 14.108: "Hearing the vibration of Kṛṣṇa's flute, Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī and all Her gopī friends came there to meet Him. They were all very nicely dressed.

CC Antya 14.109: "When Kṛṣṇa and Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī entered a cave together, the other gopīs asked Me to pick some flowers.

CC Antya 14.110: "Just then, all of you made a tumultuous sound and carried Me from there to this place.

CC Antya 14.111: "Why have you brought Me here, causing Me unnecessary pain? I had a chance to see Kṛṣṇa's pastimes, but I could not see them."

CC Antya 14.112: Saying this, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu began to weep. When all the Vaiṣṇavas saw the Lord's condition, they also wept.

CC Antya 14.113: At that time, Paramānanda Purī and Brahmānanda Bhāratī arrived. Seeing them, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu became somewhat respectful.

CC Antya 14.114: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu returned to complete external consciousness and immediately offered prayers to them. Then these two elderly gentlemen both embraced the Lord with loving affection.

CC Antya 14.115: Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said to Purī Gosvāmī and Brahmānanda Bhāratī, "Why have the two of you come so far?"Purī Gosvāmī replied, "Just to see Your dancing."

CC Antya 14.116: When He heard this, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu felt somewhat ashamed. Then He went to bathe in the sea with all the Vaiṣṇavas.

CC Antya 14.117: After bathing in the sea, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu returned to His residence with all the devotees. Then they all lunched on the remnants of food offered to Lord Jagannātha.

CC Antya 14.118: Thus I have described the transcendental ecstatic emotions of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu. Even Lord Brahmā cannot describe their influence.

CC Antya 14.119: In his book Gaurāńga-stava-kalpavṛkṣa, Raghunātha dāsa Gosvāmī has very vividly described Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu's pastime of running toward the Caṭaka-parvata sand dune.

CC Antya 14.120: "Near Jagannātha Purī is a great sand dune known as Caṭaka-parvata. Seeing that hill, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, 'Oh, I shall go to the land of Vraja to see Govardhana Hill!' Then He began running madly toward it, and all the Vaiṣṇavas ran after Him. This scene awakens in my heart and maddens me."

CC Antya 14.121: Who can properly describe all the uncommon pastimes of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu? They are all simply His play.

CC Antya 14.122: I have briefly described them just to give an indication of His transcendental pastimes. Nevertheless, anyone who hears this will certainly attain the shelter of Lord Kṛṣṇa's lotus feet.

CC Antya 14.123: Praying at the lotus feet of Śrī Rūpa and Śrī Raghunātha, always desiring their mercy, I, Kṛṣṇadāsa, narrate Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, following in their footsteps.

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His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda, Founder Ācārya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness